Posted in Women Made of Fire

Did he ever love me?

A clear example of the thread running through abusive men; Sarah would recognise Jamie in this account.

My Family's Journey After Leaving an abusive relationship

I don’t feel forgiveness for my abusive ex-partner just yet, it is far too soon for that. However, I am incredibly proud of my progress, because I no longer have any feelings of loathing, bitterness or regret towards him either. I freely admit that I did harbour those feelings towards the end of our relationship and even more so after he had been prosecuted and charged for his final assault on me. Carrying those obstructive feelings was an exhausting burden which definitely worsened my mental state and ability to function as a human being. It has taken me a full year and a hell of a lot of support from family and friends, but I have now reached the point where I really don’t feel anything for him at all.

Other than the guilt I felt for allowing my children to be part of something so destructive (I shall talk about this another time), the biggest emotional trauma…

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I am a writer and activist in the campaign to end violence against women and girls, often referred to as Gender Based Violence, or GBV. My book WITNESS was published in November 2016 and is available from,,, and all good bookshops. WITNESS tells Sarah's account of domestic violence together with the accounts and reactions of family, friends and professionals involved with her and her children. Extracts from WITNESS are published here. I live in a coastal village in the east of Scotland where I enjoy my glorious surroundings regardless of weather - Scotland is famous for having four seasons in one day! I love exploring ideas and beliefs, singing, reading and family & friends gatherings.

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