Posted in Blog Housekeeping, Raising Awareness of VAWG


I haven’t posted anything since before Christmas 2017 partly because I’ve been really ill, and partly because I’ve been finding interactions on social media quite draining.  While the posts I follow here on WordPress are all respectful and considered, I can’t say the same for Twitter and Facebook. Twitter and Facebook operate more like conversations, whereas WordPress tends toward articles. I’ve weeded out those I followed where responses were disrespectful, and where the bulk of comments didn’t move the issue under discussion any further forward, and I’m hoping that helps me.

While the main topic of my posts will be around the issue of gender based violence, my interest is broader than women and girls.  Abuse exists at all levels of our society, and includes domestic violence – men toward women and women toward men; rape; child abuse – physical, sexual, psychological, emotional and economic.  Abuse seen in this way shows that while or society has developed gender based violence as part of our hierarchy, all aspects of society are affected.  In short, patriarchy is detrimental to women and children, and boy children become men.  This has crystalised for me recently when reading tweets that condem all men for the actions of some.  I can’t see a way forward for us when we make blanket declarations like this and don’t discuss the particular.  Many abused women have male children, who have been abused by their fathers, making the effect of gender based violence something that affect women, girls and boys who then become men.  Violence and agression are increasingly on the ascendant, in our speech, in our actions, in our desire to get the upper hand, and while this continues solutions will be hard to find.



You will have noticed I’ve changed the name of my blog; I prefer conversations to simply stating opinions; it helps me consider as many perspectives as possible.  I can’t find answers to this question of violence on my own, but together we might move closer to a solution, or just a contribution to the solution. ‘Kitty Nolan in Conversation’ is an invitation, welcoming thoughtful and considered exchanges.  To help us frame our exchanges I want to suggest we use Don Miguel Ruiz’s Four Agreements:

1. Be Impeccable with your Word

Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally

Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream.

3. Don’t Make Assumptions

Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama.

4. Always Do Your Best

Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick.

I will continue to share excerpts from my book WITNESS, which gives an account of Sarah’s experience of domestic abuse.  I am particularly interested in the added layer of religious tradition which Sarah experienced making it difficult for her to leave her abusive husband. I am planning a series of blogs trying to look below the surface of these issues, so watch this space.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Peace and smiles


Posted in Uncategorized

Is Religion Our Sacred Cow? by Esther Nelson

Couldn’t agree more….

Recently, my colleague (I’ll call him Ben) participated in his grandson’s bris—the circumcision ritual within Jewish tradition. The circumcision was performed by a mohel–someone who is trained on removing the foreskin of an eight-day-old, male child.

Neither Ben nor his wife is Jewish. Their son converted to Judaism when he married a Jewish woman whose family celebrates the birth ritual with a host of traditions.  One of those traditions dictates that the immediate family members, upon news of the baby’s imminent birth, gather together in, or around the vicinity of, the new family’s home in order to welcome the child into the world.

So Ben rushed to his son and daughter-in-law’s home a couple of states away shortly after the baby boy’s birth, staying until after the circumcision ceremony where Ben had the official role of conferring on the newborn his Jewish name.

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Posted in Uncategorized

Vampire entering the Light – Facing my Agoraphobia today…


vampire gif 3

Just getting ready to head out today. Haven’t been out since my ex boyfriend was violent a few weeks ago. Apart from going to the Emergency Room one night, and heading to the doctors another time. Both times I got taxis.

I’ve ran out of all food and stuff and have been indoors alone too long. It’s a bright sunshiny day today. So I am going to try and venture into the light! I have to push myself. I can’t let that guy ruin my life. I’m starting to even look drained like a vampire! Time to feel some rays of light on my skin. Soak up some Vitamin D before I fade away and collapse into nothingness.


I’m not sure people realise just how much being physically assaulted traumatises you. I didn’t. This wasn’t like a one off whack. Or 2 men fighting in a bar and then it…

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Posted in Uncategorized

Death is a Gift, and Christ is a Hag by Trelawney Grenfell-Muir

Wonderful piece on death and life and the value of the crone!

My father is dying, and I am haggard with grief and exhaustion. Over a month of frantically arranging child care, driving to the ICU in the middle of the night, fighting to protect my Dad from neglect and malpractice, chasing case managers, begging doctors, negotiating with nurses, sensitive, depleting, agonizing family debates about hospice and DNR, and hour after hour sitting and holding my Dad’s hand, singing, comforting, soothing, reassuring. Washing his face. Massaging salve into his feet and legs. Continually checking to see if he is too cold, too warm, in pain, breathing ok. Weeping as I drive home through snow and rain and dark, watching car accidents happen just one lane over, trying to soothe my frazzled and anxious little children, support my husband in his degree program, and not lose my own career entirely.

So when my daughter asked me, “Mummy, why does Grampy have to die?”…

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